My Monday Morning

Our mornings are some of my favorite times. I usually try to get up a little earlier than the boys to enjoy some quiet me time, but more often than not, we end up getting woken up by Henry as he whispers "is it time to get up yet?" with his little face peeking up over the side of our bed. And before we know it, it's go, go, go time. Packing lunches in a flurry of tupperware and sandwich crusts and juice boxes, car keys jingling, kisses and hugs, the little ones crying or laughing or both, a see-you-later-Daddy and just-one-more-kiss ringing through the hallway. Then it's preschool drop off time, come home and snuggle Charlie time, take-a-breather-Mom time. Phew.

But there's beauty in that, right? The routines of our day to day life. The way the sun comes through Charlie's window bright and early casting sunbeams off the side of his gray crib (even though I had spent most of my night in there with him, rocking through a hard teething night, and getting no sleep myself). There's something special in those rare mornings when Henry stays in bed a little longer, with a cup of water and his feet up on pillows and a pile of books on his nightstand (even though most mornings he is waking us well before it's time to actually wake up). There's something special in that- in our routines and in the beautiful-ness of things I might not always describe as beautiful in the first place.

So when my friend Ilana over at Mommy Shorts asked me to help her promote her "Monday Mornings" series I was so excited. If you're a regular reader of this blog you know how much I love finding the beauty in the everyday, and that's exactly what she's doing with this project. Together with Allstate, who believe families should live the good life every day, Ilana's documenting the mornings of mothers all across the country. This series has already visited moms in NYC and Chicago and they're making their way to LA, Houston and Washington, DC. The project is visiting all kinds of Moms- working Moms (with a stay-at-home-Dad), another working Mom with a working spouse, a single Mom...I love that she really is showing many different types of families and women. You can see more of the project here, and please do yourself a favor and read her intro post. This is REALLY good stuff. You can follow along with all of the series here.

Here are some photos from some of our recent mornings, too:

*This post is part of the "Mommy Shorts Monday Mornings" series sponsored by Allstate. Every family has a special morning routine, and as we continue documenting different mothers across the country, it’s clear there is beauty in all of our mornings. As the nation’s largest publicly held insurance company, Allstate is dedicated not only to protecting what matters most—but to guiding families to live the Good Life, every day.

*Thank you guys for always supporting the sponsored content I share here, along with everything else! xoxo!

Who We Marry.

The other day Henry asked me some questions: Why do people get married? Who do people marry? You married Daddy, can I marry you? Or can I marry Daddy?

I explained to him that some people get married, and that some people choose not to get married. We talked about marriage and about how people marry who they love- who they want to spend their days with. I said something about having a partner to go through life with, to share the good times and the bad, someone to laugh with and joke with and eat sandwiches and share ice cream sundaes with. We kept it simple- in a couple of sentences I just told Henry that he can marry whoever he wants. Some people marry men, some people marry women. It's all in who you love.

Later that night I thought more about that short conversation. I thought about how interesting it is, to be teaching my child that we love who we want. We marry who we want. If you love someone of the same sex, then you love someone of the same sex. That's just who you are and it is no different than if you were to love someone of the opposite sex. And it's not like my parents ever taught me that being gay is wrong, but there was a "norm" there. There wasn't any hate taught in our house; we just weren't ever around anything other than what was seen as a "traditional" relationship and in effect that simply was just not part of our culture. Boys and girls. This is the way it was.

So I think about growing up and hearing something totally different. Having the norm be LOVE and whatever that means to you. To understand that no matter who you are, what you like, who you love...you are safe in our home and we will accept you for always.

One big wish for our children is that they are always able to be who they are, and feel comfortable being that person. I hope that by giving them a safe place at home to practice that, they will feel confident in standing up for themselves and what they believe in outside of our home as well. So now as I look at our two boys, playing and laughing and giggling and smiling, and I think to myself how much I love these little people...whoever these little people turn out to be.

xoxo

When Your Husband Says...

When your husband says "Hey, do you want to take some photos of you and the boys on our walk tonight?" It's always a yes! And it's not like we don't take photos often- it's just something we've always done- but taking real photos with my real camera just makes me SO happy. I just love having a million little moments tucked away in a safe place- happy, smiling candids snapped between the "real" photos, awkward poses and silly grins. I love it all. And I'm sure that's why I enjoy blogging so much too. Outside of the obvious- the preserving stories and happenings from our day to day life, the writing, the creating...the photos are what make it that much more special. I've been trying to get back in the groove of using my regular camera, and so far, so good...and I'm so grateful to have these pictures of the boys and me. Thank you Hank!

Here are some photos from our walk tonight-

And here are links to our outfits too-

My dress // ankle boots (these are similar- the ones I have on are the Ecote Festival boot from Urban Outfitters, no longer sold) // Henry's tee // shorts // sandals

Right Now.

Right now I'm watching two little boys' relationship grow stronger every single day, and seeing the word brother take more meaning. The littlest is getting bigger, and the biggest is realizing this is a good thing, saying things like "will he be walking soon? By this weekend maybe?" We are all looking forward to so much, even though at times I'm tempted to push that little baby right back on his bum to avoid him hitting anymore milestones. Stay small a little longer, okay? Right now it's the very beginning of summer, which for us means walks downtown just as the sun is going down, when it's all yellow-orange-red, and if you close your eyes for just a second you can almost imagine that you're a child again too, walking down Main Street wherever, time suspended for just that moment. Summer has become a new adventure with two children, trying to fill days up with things they'll remember forever, while reminding myself it's usually the ordinary everyday things that end up taking the best spots in those memories. Right now is looking up at Hank over the tops of our kids' heads, and feeling so lucky to be right here, right now. It's me being 32 and Henry being 3 and 1/2 and Charlie being 10 months old, that's us- my three-person weekday crew I hang with day in and day out. It's the hard stuff too- trying to navigate through places we haven't been, figuring out things we don't know about, but all the same having these three sets of hands to hold that make it all okay. It's Henry's contagious excitement and Charlie's big ole grin, and the way both of these boys fill up every single corner of my heart that at times I feel it might just break, love spilling out every which way. It's June and July and August, months that have become my favorite since becoming a mama. Our right now is full of backyard pools and popsicles, and trying to figure out ways to work through the inevitable "I don't want to go inside now!" that is almost a daily occurence. Slow baby steps but we're getting there, navigating our way through this 3rd year of Henry's life that calls for more patience on my end. But with every step forward we leave footprints behind us, and while at times it's hard for me to let go of all the good we've experienced, I have total faith the best is right up there, over the hill. A baby in the carrier, one holding Hank's hand, and the four of us are up and over, straight to the good stuff.

*Here are some past "Right Now" posts. xoxo

p.s. reusing this photo from my last Palm Springs post...because I love it so much.

Like a Safety Net

I've been thinking a lot about our day-to-day, and how all of these little moments roll into overarching feelings that define seasons and stages of our lives. When I wake up in the morning and I'm getting ready, it's weird because I know I won't remember this particular morning but I know I'll remember the feeling of morning, and be able to go back and pull little pieces and glimpses from the section of my mind where all the mornings in my little world belong. And I think of childhood in that way too. I can't remember everyday, or even many days, but I have an overwhelming feeling of happiness. Safety. Fun. Henry and Charlie might not remember me sitting with them every morning, sunlight streaming in through the living room windows, us on the couch, reading books...but they will remember that feeling, because it all rolls together, day after day after day. Same with our picnic lunches, walks to the mailbox, the quiet way Henry and I kind of sigh into each other on the couch before bed. And so that saying comes to mind, it's not what you do every once and awhile that is your life, it's what you do everyday. Or something. And it goes with the bad days too, you know. On the days when I lose my temper or feel frustrated, uninspired, use the television to fill our time, this is not everyday. The foundation we am building here, the feeling we have most days, magic and learning and excitement, all of that is there. The freedom to be whoever you may be. Acceptance. Positivity. All of this rolls and rolls and rolls day after day until one morning my boys wake up and they are no longer babies, but grown. And they'll take with them all of it, wrapped up neatly into little packages in their mind, all kind of tied up with little labels stuck neatly on top. If I'm lucky and keep doing my best, my greatest hope in the world is that the feelings we have now flourish into the defining themes of their childhood. Love. Trust. Fun. Acceptance. So I'll keep on keeping on, growing and loving day after day, and remain hopeful that they will always feel this great big love Hank and I have for them. And that on days they might feel anything but, my hope is that those feelings will rise up like a safety net, catching them wherever they may be, and remind them of where they come from and that no matter what, love has always been there.

A Quilt Is Not Just A Quilt

When I look back at old photos of my sister and me as children, I see a lot of the same things- those blue chairs in the upstairs living room, the peach colored curtains, the green and black afghan. I see the red felted wool blanket, the blue quilt, the New Kids on the Block sleeping bag I insisted on carrying with me to every room. So many memories tied up in all of these familiar things, from the comfortable furniture to the well-loved blankets we wrapped our family in year after year after year.

It's amazing to think that the items that I now choose to bring into my home will become part of the boys' memories later in life just as those things have for me. That black and white striped throw from IKEA I always seem to have draped over the couch, the soft gray baby blanket that Henry has had around from infancy, and the two plus-sign quilts that each boy uses every day of their lives- all of these things have a place in our home.

My friend Jen created the custom plus-sign quilts for each of the boys as a gift, and I can still remember opening the package and just staring at those beautiful blankets for some time. Right away I knew they were special, and I could plainly see the love and care that had been put into making each of those quilts. I was so delighted by their beautiful quality, stitching, and overall craftsmanship, and I was immediately excited because I knew that these would be two things we would keep forever.

Over the past few months the quilts have become a part of our everyday- we wrap ourselves up at night to read books together in bed, Henry grabs his and drags it out in the morning to stay warm before the heater really kicks on, they're included in cuddle sessions in the big chair, a photo backdrops on the ground with baby Charlie, long walks in the stroller when we need an extra layer of warmth- these quilts have become a part of it all, and in turn, have become a part of us.

I couldn't think of a better or more special keepsake, and just as the blue blanket was so important to my sister and me (we wore holes in it eventually, after 15 years of daily use), these quilts will be that for Henry and Charlie. It's a beautiful thing, really, to have a keepsake you're able to actually use, because with that use comes a story- a million stories. And just as the quilts are made from piece after piece of material, we add our own "material" to it every day with all of our family moments that are eventually woven right into the quilt itself. A keepsake indeed.

*To go along with this special post, my friend Jen is generously offering 10% off your order with code "SWEET10".

Family Photos and Late Holiday Cards

A couple of weeks ago my friend Emily snapped some family photos for us (Arizona people, contact her via her website- she's the best!). It was a super rainy morning so I was unsure of how they would turn out, but as always, she managed to somehow, someway capture beautiful images. She always takes the best pictures of Henry too and captures the happy, fun spirit he has, even when I go into the session unsure of how she'll even get one good one. He wasn't in the best mood that morning, and if you know anything about three year olds, you know that family pictures and a bad mood do NOT mix. But yet again, Emily worked her magic and took some photographs we will cherish forever.

I was VERY late on ordering our holiday cards- does anyone else feel like this month is going by way too quickly? So I took advantage of Tiny Prints' express shipping. And even though I ordered on Friday, our cards are due to arrive today! Right now Tiny Prints is offering 25% your entire order (use code SW1217), which is the best deal ever. Add in rush or super rush delivery and you can have your cards tomorrow or the next day. I chose this Christmas card, but I also love these two.

I'm always the kind of person who has their cards stamped and ready to go by December 1st, but at least with Tiny Prints I can be a bit of a slacker and still get the job done. Thanks a million, Tiny Prints!

Photos c/o Emily Snitzer

Cards c/o Tiny Prints

That Time I Almost Cried at a Parade

So yesterday I had one of those really crazy days, the kind where I want to cry while it's happening but then end up laughing so hard with Hank while I'm retelling it. Here's what happened:

We've been a one car family for the past week or so because Hank's is broken and won't be fixed until next weekend. So most everyday I take him to work and pick him up again because if I don't, the boys and I are stuck at home. I usually try to get out and do something everyday, if not for their entertainment, for my own sanity. And because I had taken Hank to work that morning I definitely wanted to take advantage and do something. One of the best things about Henry's age is that he has a million of his own opinions and ideas, and when I ask him what he wants to do, he can totally give me input. And his one wish for the day? To get a cookie from our favorite coffee shop.

I thought I would make a fun morning out of it and walk around, collect leaves, and enjoy one of our last Autumn days before the cold weather sets in, so we got all packed up into the car and headed downtown. I specifically parked over by the library- much farther away from the coffee shop than necessary- so we could get a good walk in too. I had the stroller for the carseat to click into, and then the skateboard attachment for Henry. I also brought a wrap in case Charlie wanted to go that route.

We started walking towards the square and I noticed that there were a ton of people in military uniforms everywhere. It was Veterans Day, so it made sense, but the sheer number of them was curious...until I heard a marching band. Then I realized I had forgotten there was a parade! So fun. And what a perfect surprise for Henry. His Uncle Abe was a soldier and it's something we are very proud of, so I loved that we'd be able to take part in something honoring him. Our plans immediately changed and we began walking over to where the parade started, when I realized that we had a lot of time to kill. The thing with having a 12-week old though, is that at least in my case, things work best when they fit into particular blocks of time between naps and feedings. And having time to kill or changing plans isn't always conducive to having a successful outing. But whatever, there was a parade!

So because we had time before it began we went over to the coffeeshop and Henry got his cookie, and we sat for awhile. It was a beautiful day- leaves were falling off of the trees as we sat there, and the air was the perfect crisp November kind. Charlie had been sleeping soundly in his carseat, but towards the end he started getting a little fussy. I figured if we got moving again he would doze off, so Henry finished his cookie and we headed back down to the parade area. At this point I could go on with detail after detail but here's the gist of it, in one overly-dramatic sounding paragraph:

Downtown was packed with SO many people. And I have this stroller with one baby inside, and another baby on a skateboard that happens to be attached to it, that happens to be the biggest spectacle ever in our small town when we go anywhere (what IS that? did you make it? how is it on there? etc.) I'm wearing multiple, unnecessary layers. Charlie is crying so I'm getting super hot, and the parade is insanely loud with gunshots and the band and sirens. I need to take Charlie out of his carseat because he's crying, but then I'm unsure how I will be able to push the stroller and steer it safely with H on the skateboard, or push the stroller and have him walk next to me safely with so many people everywhere. I pull us over to a quieter corner, try to feed Charlie, try the wrap to no avail, so I just hold him, and he's good but every time a loud noise happens, he's scared and crying again. And to add to it, throughout the parade there are various moments of silence for fallen soldiers, and of course I want to be respectful for these brave men and women and honor them with silence, but I have a crying baby and have to keep moving. We're so, so far from the car thanks to my genius planning (haha), and every time I try to turn down a street we are blocked by the parade and can't cross. We must have walked around trying to get back to our car for no joke, close to 90 minutes. Towards the end Charlie had calmed down and all was well but for the time prior it was just one of those times I don't think I'll ever forget. Definitely earned my "take two kids out in a difficult situation while being totally stressed and trying to act like I'm not" Mom badge with that one.

But then you see my photos and it looks perfect right? It made Hank and I laugh because that's the funny part about the internet- you show what you want, share what you want. My time at the parade looks like a great day. And really, it was, in a "this will be funny later" kind of way, and I love that it at least opened up a conversation with Henry about what it means to be a Veteran like his Uncle, but I have to just laugh thinking about all of it.

So. That was my Monday. How was yours? ;)

What Works For Us: New Sibling Edition

BFF set by Mama Case Prints

When we found out that Charlie was a Charlie we were over the moon. I daydreamed about how fun it would be to have two boys, brothers who would be the best of friends. I was lucky enough to have my sister Lauren growing up and to this day I feel immeasurably lucky to have her through thick and thin (even in our younger days when she would steal my clothes and use all my hairspray and copy everything I did. Little sisters, ya know?). But either way to have that bond would be amazing. Brothers, two boys...awesome.

So of course while I was pregnant Hank and I talked up the baby a lot. We told Henry all the time that his best friend was in there, someone who would eventually be able to play with him everyday and always be there for him. We read books and talked about it constantly. But still, in the back of my mind I worried a little. Up until this point Henry had been an only child. All of our attention all of the time, was focused on him. Henry wants to play? We play. He wants to dance around like crazy in the middle of the living room? We drop everything we're doing and dance with him. He feels like stacking up every cushion from the couch onto the floor and making a huge fort? Sounds good. But I knew when a new baby came along things would change; the dynamic would shift, of course. I wouldn't always be able to play because I'd have to nurse. Dancing around the living room might not always be okay if Charlie was on the floor. And the same with the cushions. Or riding his Big Wheels around the kitchen island. Or playing his drum set any time of the day. So amidst all of my romantic notions of what would be, I had a tiny bit of worry in my heart that Henry would feel sad about all of this change.

the night before Charlie was born

It's been 3 months now and looking back through all the ups and downs, I feel like Henry really was able to adjust well and I feel really happy with how it went. He hasn't seemed upset about the change at all, and more than anything he wakes up every morning hoping that this is the morning Charlie is finally big enough to play. It's so cute. At first when we brought Charlie home he was a little stand-offish as we figured everything out, but I think this was more from being almost scared of how tiny and fragile Charlie was. And of course some days are harder than others- remind me to one day tell the story of when, overexcited by all of the leaves, Henry dumped a pile of them onto poor Charlie while he was in his stroller- but most days are great. I'm no expert by any means (really, it's only been 12 weeks and we have a lifetime of brother-stuff to navigate) and none of this is rocket science, but here's what has worked for us in these first months:

1. We read a lot of books about being a big brother throughout my pregnancy, and talked about it constantly. We focused a lot on Henry's new role as a protector and teacher, and about how it was his job to show Charlie all the fun things in life- how to play, have fun, etc. He loved that and would often stop what he was doing during my pregnancy and say something like "I can't WAIT to show Charlie this truck!" "Big brother" books were also a huge part of this and a great conversation starter- here are a couple of our favorites: one and two. Our most favorite book though, wasn't necessarily about bringing a new brother home, but about being excited to teach your little brother something. Henry changed the names in the book to Henry and Charlie, and we must have read this every night until Charlie came along.

2. Special projects and jobs. My family stayed with Henry while Hank and I were in the hospital and they made a "Welcome Home" celebration for us, complete with art projects Henry made for Charlie's arrival. And even before that Henry worked with us on some special things for Charlie's room- he helped us paint the walls, put together the crib, and move his crib mattress into the baby's room. I also talked to a lot of girlfriends and asked them if they did anything for the older sibling. Some mentioned they had gone with the older sibling(s) to the store to get the baby a special birthday present, so we did this for Henry and it was a big hit. He picked out something for Charlie, and brought it into the room when he met him; he was so excited to give it to him. I can't necessarily say this helped him to adjust, but it definitely helped add more excitement and positivity to the big day. Another huge thing we did from day one and still do everyday, all day, is give Henry jobs to do in relation to Charlie. He has a little step stool in Charlie's room that he stands on to "help" me change C's diaper, always make sure the diaper basket is full, and is in charge of a handful of other little things, like making sure Charlie's toys are put away into the white basket after playtime, checking on him when he's in his swing, getting me a pillow so I can nurse, etc. Like any 3-year old Henry loves to help, so this makes him feel really important and proud.

helping to "carry" Charlie at the doctor's office 

3. Reminding myself to be patient, every single day. This seems like a simple thing but one of my biggest challenges is not getting annoyed or irritated when Henry is loud when we're trying to be quiet. Usually he's doing the best he can and I need to remind myself that he's not even three yet, and just as I'm learning to be a Mom of two, he's learning to be a big brother and share all of the attention that was once his. Or more importantly, that he's being loud because he wants my attention. Another challenge for me was realizing that I was saying "not now, Henry" way too many times when he would come to me while I was nursing Charlie. This was not helping the climate of either of our relationships so now I try to always acknowledge what he is saying and redirect him to something else until I am done. This has helped to avoid a myriad of upset feeling from both sides- either me feeling frustrated with Henry when he isn't cooperating, or him feeling pushed to the side, which makes me feel so guilty and really sad. It's so funny- I always thought I was a really patient and calm person with Henry, but once I was put into a situation where I would be nursing Charlie, and Henry would be on the verge of a tantrum, or I'd be trying to calm Charlie down to get ready to nap and Henry wouldn't listen to my requests to quiet down, I would get SO annoyed. And of course I still do, but I handle it differently now and focusing on patience is so much better. So taking a step back and reminding myself that there is a reason for Henry being uncooperative or extra-loud, and redirecting him (stocking up on quiet activities like puzzles and fun art supplies is key) has changed everything.

Really though, through it all, nothing is sweeter than seeing Henry go up to Charlie unprompted and talk to him, hug him, or sing a song for him. And that smile that Charlie gives him and the way Henry puffs up with pride ("Mommy, I made him SMILE!")- that is everything. And this is happening more and more everyday, and it's these little moments that shine over all of the harder days (the too-loud toy trucks during naptime days, the Henry getting upset at something during Charlie's naptime and waking him up days, the me just feeling frustrated that I don't have enough arms for everyone days). Henry has blossomed so much since becoming a big brother. He's always been exceptionally sweet, but now seeing the gentle and kind way he is with Charlie is just about the best thing in the world. Knowing that this is just the beginning is so exciting too and realizing that these three months are just the tip of the iceberg in the adventures of Henry and Charlie. I can't wait to see what comes next!

Like I did in my first "What Works For Us" post, I'll ask the same questions- what's worked for you when welcoming in a new sibling? Any experiences you'd like to share? Tips or tricks to add to my list?

p.s. I'll leave you with this short video of Henry meeting Charlie at the hospital. This is one of the sweetest moments of my life- a totally unprompted song Henry pulled out to calm Charlie down when he started to cry. The little kiss and "I love you, Charlie" at the end kills me.

 Henry Singing to Charlie in the Hospital from DH on Vimeo.