Right Now.

Right now I'm watching two little boys' relationship grow stronger every single day, and seeing the word brother take more meaning. The littlest is getting bigger, and the biggest is realizing this is a good thing, saying things like "will he be walking soon? By this weekend maybe?" We are all looking forward to so much, even though at times I'm tempted to push that little baby right back on his bum to avoid him hitting anymore milestones. Stay small a little longer, okay? Right now it's the very beginning of summer, which for us means walks downtown just as the sun is going down, when it's all yellow-orange-red, and if you close your eyes for just a second you can almost imagine that you're a child again too, walking down Main Street wherever, time suspended for just that moment. Summer has become a new adventure with two children, trying to fill days up with things they'll remember forever, while reminding myself it's usually the ordinary everyday things that end up taking the best spots in those memories. Right now is looking up at Hank over the tops of our kids' heads, and feeling so lucky to be right here, right now. It's me being 32 and Henry being 3 and 1/2 and Charlie being 10 months old, that's us- my three-person weekday crew I hang with day in and day out. It's the hard stuff too- trying to navigate through places we haven't been, figuring out things we don't know about, but all the same having these three sets of hands to hold that make it all okay. It's Henry's contagious excitement and Charlie's big ole grin, and the way both of these boys fill up every single corner of my heart that at times I feel it might just break, love spilling out every which way. It's June and July and August, months that have become my favorite since becoming a mama. Our right now is full of backyard pools and popsicles, and trying to figure out ways to work through the inevitable "I don't want to go inside now!" that is almost a daily occurence. Slow baby steps but we're getting there, navigating our way through this 3rd year of Henry's life that calls for more patience on my end. But with every step forward we leave footprints behind us, and while at times it's hard for me to let go of all the good we've experienced, I have total faith the best is right up there, over the hill. A baby in the carrier, one holding Hank's hand, and the four of us are up and over, straight to the good stuff.

*Here are some past "Right Now" posts. xoxo

p.s. reusing this photo from my last Palm Springs post...because I love it so much.

Our Mornings, Right Now.

At 6am a little alarm must go off in Henry's mind, because the moment the clock strikes 6, it's as if he just knows to wake up. And as the mornings have become brighter and brighter, that wake up time has creeped back earlier and earlier. Most mornings he gets up and plays quietly, although other times he's in our bed, in our faces, "wake up, wake up, someone play with me!" And of course, we oblige. Then there's Charlie- usually sleeping until about 6:30 or 7, and waking up with a smile, always. He'll usually just sit up in bed and babble until we come in, and the second you open that door there's the biggest, happiest grin just beaming up at you. Henry calls him our sunshine boy.

Then the three of us play in the living room while Hank gets ready for work. Most mornings I'll make us all a big breakfast and we'll sit at the big table, but some mornings I'll throw some mini pancakes in the microwave for Henry and enjoy a quick and easy protein bar. It just depends on my level of tiredness (Charlie still isn't sleeping through the night regularly). But either way we'll eat together, soak up the 40 minutes before Hank goes to work, and then once he's out the door it's more playtime until Charlie's first nap or Henry's preschool drop-off, depending on the day.

Right now it's all about the little blocks of time that are separated by the big divides in our day- morning nap, preschool, playtime, lunch, afternoon nap, an hour 'til Daddy's home, 30 minutes...and so on.

I'm constantly reminded that our mornings won't always be like this, and if you look back at this post it's even more clear. My, how much has changed in two short years. I wonder what our days will look like in two more? So if you need me, I'll be right here, soaking up every second with my two little rascals, fitting in all I can between all of to-dos and to-gos, playtimes and naptimes. Reminding myself on those mornings I feel even more tired than usual that in the blink of an eye my babies won't be babies, and they'll be the ones rushing off in the mornings to school and friends' houses and doing all sort of big kid things we aren't doing now. It really is crazy how fast it all goes.

xoxo

*All photos edited with A Beautiful Mess Photoshop actions. I have a post coming up sharing some of my favorites- I've been loving playing around with all of them.

Right Now.

Our right now is a beautiful thing- it's all new, everyday, with an almost 3-month old and an almost 3-year old and life moving faster than ever. It's the beginning of November now, and we're just starting to see our breath in the cold morning air when we venture outside, me holding Charlie, Henry in his pajamas, to wave goodbye to Daddy as he leaves for work. Our right now is the time of diaper changes and nursing what feels like every minute and an almost always-loud first born and a mama that always seems to say "just a little quieter, please" during naptime. There are baby hands. Oh, those baby hands. The dimples in the knuckles, the first hint of rolls around the wrist. That sweet, sweet newborn smell and the softest hair right at the nape of Charlie's neck. It's me, 31 years old, starting to feel old sometimes, laughing with Hank over the laugh lines we are beginning to see. Our right now is feeling more in love with this man I've been with for a decade now- the person who has seen me at my very worst, but somehow, someway, still loves me. It's me laying in bed at night, staring up at the ceiling, Charlie in the middle, and I think about life before, and life now, and try to imagine what life will be like. I think about being a little girl, and dreaming of what would be, and I think about being in that. And it's weird and cool and happy and sad, all at once. Right now is full of waking up in the middle of the night to that sweet baby who needs me and only me, and I feel like the luckiest person in the world that I am that person, to that baby. It's this unit of four. Our unit of four. It's our family, and the knowledge that we are building something, together. Right now is a time of change for us. Painting walls white and paring down the "too much." Simplifying. Our right now is full of so much life, with these two little people, that it's hard to remember what it was like before. And so I type this quickly while two baby monitors hum on, words coming into my head to my fingers and onto the screen, and no matter how hard I try to capture it all, it will never be enough. Words will never be able to describe the way it feels to see your husband belly-laughing with your oldest son on the floor over a silly joke they just made up, laughing so hard they're both crying. Words can't begin to capture the way Charlie smells fresh out of the bath, towel wrapped around his tiny body, that smile and that laugh and those sighs. Nothing I could ever write here will be able to bring me back to this right now, a time of babies and our first home and figuring this life out as we stumble and get back up, and stumble again. The other day while driving, Henry was in the back singing a song so loudly while Charlie looked out the window at the shapes and shadows rushing by. Hank's hands were on the wheel, tapping in time to music we had faded to the front, and I sat there in awe for a moment, thinking about how out of all the right nows I've ever had in my life, I think this one, right now, would have to be the sweetest.