Everything and Nothing All At Once

 this week in a nutshell- a growth-spurting baby who has been fighting naptime...thank god for the Ergo.

I've been sitting here for awhile, kind of staring at this blinking cursor, trying to decide what I wanted to share today. Sometimes I get overwhelmed because I feel like there's just so much to say- so many things about Charlie and Henry and Hank and being a Mom and being a wife and being a friend and feeling really happy most days and feeling like I just can't get it right others- that it's easier to just write nothing than try to even break it down. I started to write a post about Charlie and his smile, and about how insane it feels to get him to laugh; that has to be the best feeling in the world, right? And then I thought no, I want to write about being a friend, and how it's sometimes really hard for me to feel like I'm being the kind of friend I want to have. I wish I had more time for phone chats and writing long letters and hanging out into the wee hours of the night. And most of the time I feel like I'm doing okay, at least in a "I have a new baby but I can talk for 15 minutes between naps and feedings and playtime" kind of way, but then those other times I hate that I communicate with some of my closest friends solely through text messages and Instagram comments. It feels cheap. I think about my Mom and her friends, and how that's just not a part of their lives- and hasn't ever been, and I love that they chit chat for an hour or so on their landlines quite regularly. Yes, landlines. So I typed a bit about that, then erased it, because I didn't feel like writing one of those posts, you know? Next my thoughts jumped to Henry- this sudden-big kid I'm raising who is blowing my mind everyday with his smarts and his charm and these crazy glimpses of a much older boy. He's just so sweet, and between the rougher times and his little bursts of frustration I am starting to see this whole new person. No more baby, no more toddler, this kid is growing up so fast and it's equal parts sad and amazing. I've said it many times, but to me a huge part of being a parent is letting go and doing so a little more everyday, and as hard as it is, it's wonderful to give your kids that room to grow and watching them spread their wings. So I copied and pasted a whole page of writing about that and moved it into another post for another day or maybe just for me, because in the middle of typing all of it out I hopped onto Pinterest and got lost in a world of pretty photos. A lot of people complain about the site, talking about how it can make you feel inadequate or like you just aren't doing enough, but for me, Pinterest is a place that makes me happy and is always inspiring. Even if I don't feel like cleaning I can hop onto my Pretty Spaces board and immediately get motivated. Maybe weird, but it works for me. And lately I've been daydreaming, looking at photos of old campers. This is something that I never would have seen myself doing a couple of years ago, but lately I've been so drawn to the idea of packing our family into one and going on roadtrips all summer long. Nothing fancy, just the four of us and the road, good food and adventures. This is the stuff my daydreams have been made of lately!

And somehow even though I typed and erased, and typed and erased some more, this post still ended up turning into a post about Charlie's smile and that laugh, and being a good friend and Henry growing up and what makes me feel inspired. Blogging is funny like that. Posts about everything and nothing all at once- and how sometimes all you need to do is just sit down and write it all out even when you didn't mean to.

xoxo