4 Things.

a very summery photo on this very unsummery day

 1. Thanks for all your emails, DMs, and comments on my last post. No matter what, whenever you put something out there that makes yourself a little vulnerable it can be scary. Last night I started to feel like it had been a mistake after more than a few of my friends texted or called me totally confused and then appalled after googling to see what I was talking about. Having to rehash and talk about something that had been hard for me to deal with wasn't fun at all. I woke up this morning feeling better though, and happy that I was able to share my feelings on the situation. It was a huge growing experience and I'm grateful for it as strange as it is, and it felt good to finally address it, and just be done with it. I won't be writing about it again, and like I told one friend who called me about it last night and wanted to fill me in on what was being said over there, I don't care to know. They have their space, I have mine...and that's okay. I understand that being public and writing a blog garners attention, both positive and negative, but I don't need to seek out the negativity. Why on earth would I do that? A wise friend told me "what I don't read can't hurt me," and it's so true. At some level, even through the "but I don't care" we all care about shit like this, but continuing on this journey there is no room in my world for unconstructive criticism or meanness. However I am ALWAYS open to constructive criticism or commentary so please comment me, email me, reach out to me...I am always all ears. Although I do write this blog for my own enjoyment, it has grown and evolved into more now, and so I do believe it's important to listen to input and move forward accordingly. And I think that's all I have to say about all of that besides one more big thank you to those of you who sent me kind emails and left thoughtful comments. Let's move on now (again...haha!) because I'm boring and annoying even myself.

2. So my totally embarrassing love for bad (amazing?) television has taken another turn for the worse. Henry's been going to bed at 7pm but now sleeping until 8am, so I've been able to stay up until midnight most nights and the past couple of evenings I've gotten sucked into a new show...Hart of Dixie. Hank walked in the living room and watched maybe 2 minutes of the last episode I watched and walked out laughing, shaking his head. I don't know what it is but I just love shows like this- the cheesier the better. So add this one to that list, right alongside Make It Or Break It. I've only had time to watch a few episodes but I'm really enjoying it...even though I feel like Rachel Bilson might not be such a great actress in this role. But surprise, surprise, I don't even care!

3. I've been trying to really think of a theme for 2013. I'll be posting about this over the weekend or Monday, but last year I chose one and this year I'll be doing the same. I feel like I'm always working on goals of some sort, so it's easiest for me to pick an overall theme or idea and just go with that. I just finished reading Happier at Home by Gretchen Rubin and it's completely inspired me, so I think I may lean towards a more home-oriented idea. We'll see. I also have more-specific blog goals to share, that I've already been working towards (ahem, more personal posts). Do you do goals, resolutions (I feel like these are different than goals for some reason), or themes? Do tell!

4. I originally named this post "3 Things," but after thinking about this all morning I wanted to write about it. A dear friend of some of my best friends passed away yesterday. And so all of this- that website, the negative feelings, stupid television shows, themes, goals, whatever, everything, anything, all of it, is trivial. Yesterday's post embarrasses me in this aftermath. It does not matter. Me and my feelings and my paragraphs do not matter. I won't pretend to have been friends with Matt, but I do know how he affected every single person he knew- he was sunshine, joy, and so this loss, my friends' loss, affects me. It makes me think a lot about this life and what I'm doing in it, how I'm spending my time, and who and what I'm surrounding myself with. I sit here while Henry is napping and I imagine my life without all of the things I hold so important and try and pare it all down to the most important things. My family, this love. That is all. It breaks my heart to know my friends' friend won't get to experience all of this. It breaks my heart that things like this happen and we have no control. I hate this world as much as I love it. I don't understand so much of it and it confuses me to no end if I think too much about the hows and the whys. I just wish I could understand even a little bit more.

xoxo