Currently.

the doctor checking Charlie's heartbeat this morning- I love that sound so much.

Reading: After finishing up Orange is the New Black on Netflix, I was curious about the memoir it was based off of, and picked it up. I'm almost done with it and definitely enjoying it. I do, however, wish I had read the book first. Although the two are pretty different I think the book isn't as fun to read because I know too much, but at the same time, reading it first would have made the show even more fun, if that makes sense. I also recently downloaded a few of this woman's books to my Kindle. Have you read anything by her? Any suggestions on where to begin?

Eating: Maybe I should have called this section, "Dreaming of Eating," because that's exactly what I've been doing, thinking about the delicious sandwiches and sushi I'll be eating once I deliver this baby! Some women don't follow the whole "no lunch meat" thing, but I do, and even though I know I can heat up the lunch meat before I consume it, it's not the same as getting a big, cold sub sandwich from the deli. And ugh, how I love sandwiches! That's the very first thing I'm looking forward to eating. Turkey, provolone cheese, veggies, and a ton of oil and vinegar.

Thinking about: Oh, my mind has been such a hazy place lately. Ever hear of baby brain? It's definitely a thing, and in these last two weeks of pregnancy I'm definitely experiencing it. It's kind of like a fog is hanging over my thoughts. Cloudy. I've been thinking about so much though- about what life will be like in just a couple of weeks, how it will feel to hold Charlie, if time will seem to go faster or slower in those first few precious weeks, now that I know just how fast it can really go. I've been lost in thoughts at times, thinking a lot about past things for some reason- having weird memories pop up here and there, reminded of old friends and old places. I've also been thinking back to right after Henry was born, and then of how long it took for me to really get back to feeling like me. I remember even at the end of my pregnancy I felt very unlike myself, but this time I don't really feel that way. I think I wrote a post about it too, something about getting my groove back. Outside of just looking forward to being a non-pregnant person, I don't really feel those same things, and I hope once he's here it's different than last time, as far as getting back to feeling like "me." But we'll see! All of the unknown is so scary, but so exciting too.

Enjoying: So I was really sad when Google Reader closed its doors, and felt frustrated because I was so used to that program. As much as I love the next new thing, I often feel annoyed when I'm forced to switch or even try it out unless I am the one who makes the decision, so the whole Google Reader thing was an annoyance. In the span of things, not so important, but in my little online microcosm it was. Ha. But anyway, I ended up trying Bloglovin' and I really, really love it. I like it even more than GR and I especially love how easy their app is to navigate. So, yay!

Watching: Okay so can we talk about this past Monday's episode of The Bachelorette? I for one have never seen anything so...I don't even know how to describe what that was. Painful? Awkward? Way too much? 30+ minutes of crying, then silence, then more crying. I know the show is totally fabricated and thrives off of people like myself who want to believe it's real, but that felt awfully real to me. Did any of you watch it? I haven't tuned into much of the season this time around, but that episode got me re-engaged, and next week's finale should be interesting, to say the least.

Loving: This weather and how excited for Fall I'm getting, dreaming of little matching outfits for the boys (you know I have to), planning our last two weekends as a family of three, finishing up Charlie's nursery, Henry and the fake laugh he was doing tonight, spending extra time with Veronica and Max this week, seeing Halloween stuff popping up in stores, another cousin sleepover with Lucy this weekend, Pink Lady apples and peanut butter, protein pancakes, and a whole lot of citrus!

So, how about you? What are you up to today? Feel free to do your own "currently" post on your blog and link back in the comments for everyone to check out. And thanks again to my dear friend Megan for providing the original inspiration for these posts.

Full Term.

This baby is full term, and it's very surreal to know that if he doesn't decide to come early, in a little less than three weeks he'll be here. It's been an odd sensation, knowing so much more this time around; and not even as far as birthdate and exactly what time we'll have this baby, but being more comfortable with the idea of pregnancy. It's been said here numerous times, and basically on every blog ever written on second pregnancies- it's just a lot different doing it this time around. And it's not like I didn't savor that first time (hello, if you didn't know, my pregnancy was the most important thing going on in the world at the time), but this time it's more relaxed, with more room to just enjoy, and be at peace with all of it.

So here we are, at 37 weeks. My c-section date is looming closer and closer, and it's really odd not to have those same worries and wonders. Instead, I'll be going in at 6:45am on August 16th, and into the OR at 8:45am. You can set your watch, people! Just kidding. But talk about a change. With Henry I was days late, trying to walk him out, bounce him out, get him out before my doctor began the dreaded induction talk with me. A whole new world this time around.

Charlie is a whole different baby in utero too. He is so high, and has firmly wedged himself up into my right-side ribs, and has been there for a couple of months. It's uncomfortable to sit up in certain positions, which I didn't experience with Henry too much, as he was pretty low to begin with. Another difference is that for the past couple of weeks I've been feeling sick to my stomach, and have had major sensitivities to certain foods. At first I thought it was food poisoning, then when it didn't go away I thought it was a stomach bug, but now I'm pretty sure it's been my body's way of cleaning itself out before labor, which my nurse friend filled me in on. I've been fine the past few days though, so cross your fingers I don't go into labor now that it's out of my system!

A few random things:

The nursery is about 75% complete.  I never did a nursery tour with Henry, but I think it will be fun this time around and I'm excited to share Charlie's corner of our home.

A few of you have asked if I'll be sharing a birth story this time around, and that is a no. I just feel like that has a place in the baby book, rather than on this blog. A few years ago I was eager to share every bit here with Henry's story, but I don't feel that way anymore. I think some things are meant just for us, and like the "Dear Henry" letters I used to share here, I do write Charlie every week, but this time they're kept just for him.

I'm still working out regularly, although it's definitely become more challenging the past few weeks. Last night we went on an hour+ long walk in our hilly neighborhood. This morning I woke up as usual to go to the gym, but my body definitely let me know that that would not be happening, and instead I got an extra hour of sleep. That's been my biggest thing with working out while pregnant- just always listening to my body.

I've been thinking about my favorite foods this time around, and although I didn't really experience cravings, the same things have sounded good the entire time: grapes, nectarines, apples, salt & vinegar baked chips, and cheese! Lots of cheese.

Still haven't taken too many photos during this pregnancy, and still don't have any desire too. Hats off to anyone who is able to do weekly or monthly belly photos, or heck, even every other month. The best I've done is those silly, in-the-mirror/reminiscent-of-Myspace photos, but that's about it. To be honest I pretty much wear the same thing every day, just different versions of it, and if it were socially acceptable I would wear this pair of yoga/pajama pants I have on right now out of the house and everywhere I went. Maybe that would be a great maternity style post- Look How I've Styled this Awesome Pair of PJ Pants for 9 Months Straight! After this my blogger card should be revoked. ;)

And finally, I've been thinking so, so much about what it will feel like to have my heart double in size, so soon. I can't even imagine loving someone else as much as I love Henry, but I know I will, and I can't even begin to explain the excitement I feel over this.

And that's about it. This is me at 37-weeks, full term and ready to meet Charlie. 2 weeks, 4 days to go. Excited, nervous, happy that this bit of the journey ends and the real fun is about to begin. Here we go...

xoxo

Weekend Links

 source

The image above is very fitting, and it goes along with an old post of mine, titled the same.

The Ultimate Guide to Chocolate Chip Cookies. Seriously though, this blogger baked a whole lot of cookies and I find this whole post fascinating. And now I want a cookie!

Why Stephen King spends so long writing his opening sentences.

I have this all ready to go, for once Charlie gets here.

Moorea's new shop is open and it's BURSTING with amazing items.

These Baked Brussels Sprouts Chips over on the sweet Lindsay's blog look so good!

"Madonna's diet is the hardest I've ever tried..."

The new Juniper line releases this weekend!

Some tips for creating an art-friendly home.

Currently posts around the web: Lauren and Cam (who was actually an old student of mine- she's the sweetest!).

Have you checked out the Acute Designs Etsy shop yet? So many beautiful things.

Loved this: All My Exes Live in Texts: Why The Social Media Generation Never Really Breaks Up.

(Uncle) Jesse and the Rippers, anyone?

"The Conversation We Need To Have About Women and Anxiety."

A great, honest post over on Drea's blog.

3 relationships tips that keep the good times rolling!

So this article suggests that there are two ages when we are our happiest.

Dying over this onesie- if you have a mama-friend who plays the violin or cello, get on it!

"Sex and the City screwed up my sex life"...can you relate?

My most favorite gift to give for a new baby. So soft and washes so well!

Healthy, crust-less pumpkin pies...perfect to satisfy this yearning for Fall I've been experiencing. And some bonuses: there's no sugar added, and they're gluten-free.

Wishlist: this top, this dress, and this bobbi pin set.

And finally, some more posts I've loved from this past week: My Trip to the Mountains, For Austen-ites, and Tiny Dancer.

Enjoy, and have a great weekend!

xoxo

Thursday.

It's weird, this month has been one of the strangest of my life but still. I feel thankful. It's like this weird kind of thankful- the kind where you think about bad shit and then realize that without the bad, you can't have the good. Or when you talk about death and loss, and then in the same breath find yourself discussing how alive you feel. A strange juxtaposition, both physically and emotionally. But amidst it all, the weird, bad, sad, strange, I have this elation bubbling up inside of me. Every single morning I have this opportunity to make the right choices, to be a loving wife, an engaged mother, a good friend. I have this time left. And sure, it's hard to get it all right, all at once. But still. There's that opportunity. And so I try my best, and this past week I have been so grateful for so many small things- the excitement on Henry's face the moment he wakes up (knowing he loves his life so much makes my whole world right), the way I just feel at home when I'm next to Hank, or Madeline's boundless affection, even when I'm in my own bubble and don't pay the most attention to her.

This space has been good for me. I haven't taken many photos lately (I keep having to use old photos at the top of posts)- and I miss that- but I'm starting to feel like I want to. And these little things, the little bits of gratitude that just stack up in my mind, they remind me that life is so, so good.

So many other things going on in my brain:

The other day I tweeted the quote "you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with," and it really got me thinking. It goes along with that whole idea of "you are the company you keep," and I think there is so much truth to that, both in the "real world," and the online world. I have made the mistake over and over again of allowing people into my world who do not bring out the best in me. Admittedly I can be someone who can get right into a gossip session (so horrible), but then after I feel disgusting and crappy and I hate it. There are certain relationships in my life where it seems that's the bulk of what there is to discuss, and that's sad. I don't want to be that. And it goes back to the 5 people quote. Who do you spend the most time communicating with online? Those people reflect you, in a way, I think. Who do you spend the most time with? For me, it's Henry, Hank, Madeline, my Mom and sister. And that's pretty awesome. I feel good I'm the sum of the five best people I know. And I need to keep that in mind in all areas of my life.

I've also been thinking about how much I've enjoyed writing so many more real things in this space lately, be it sad or happy, or whatever. It makes me feel good to just write for me, and then share it, with the sharing part as an afterthought, not something going on in my mind as I'm writing, which has always been the part of blogging I've struggled with.

I've been wondering lately about Charlie, now that we're down to just three weeks. What will he look like? What will he be like? It's so strange because when I think of our child, I think of Henry. I only know Henry. I know what he looks like, what he is like, and it's really hard to even wrap my mind around the fact that there's a whole new definition of "our kid" making his way into our world.

Random. If you've read this far, thanks. I think every blog deserves a nice little brain dump now and again. Try it sometime, I bet you'll like it. ;)

One, Two, Three, Four

photo credit: Emily Snitzer

I can't remember the exact day, or where I was when I really and truly knew that Hank was it for me. But there it was; a very distinct divide between "then" and "now," and although yes, of course there was everything before, life almost didn't seem to start until I met him. And then with Henry, I remember sitting in the green chair in his room, rocking him to sleep one night, and thinking how odd it was that life could have ever felt complete before him. It's funny, isn't it? How these puzzle pieces come clicking into our lives, sometimes unexpectedly, sometimes not, but when they fit and they're in place, it just feels right. The "ohh yes, this is what life is, this is how it's supposed to go."

For the past almost three years Hank and I have had the privilege of spending our minutes and hours and days with our Henry. When he came into this world on that November morning, we knew everything would change in an instant, and of course, it did. But we weren't really prepared for how beautiful life can be when you have this little light, this perfect person full of only love, that is suddenly a part of everything you do. It's amazing, really. And I think back over these past years in awe of the three of us- each of us learning and growing into these new roles: a mother, a father, and a newborn-turned-baby-turned-toddler-turned little boy. We've spent these last few year all together, and now in just three short weeks, there will be one more person to add to our brood. A fourth. And just like that, life goes on a-changing.

And of course along with the gushing and the excited anticipation and the overly-sentimental paragraphs, comes a lot of nervousness. A lot. We've been "just the three of us" for awhile now, and we have it down. On good days it's easy, and on bad days it's not really too bad at all. Henry and I have our routines and our schedules. We know how to get things done, and we do it efficiently (most of the time). When we go grocery shopping it's an easy task- out of the car, into the cart, into the store, and out again. But now my mind is swirling with the "how will I evers" and the "how will that works," and on many occasions I've run scenarios like these through in my mind; "okay, get a cart, bring it over to the car, put Charlie in the wrap, get Henry, put him in the cart, food shop- that can't be so hard, right?"  It's the little things like this make me slightly nervous- the everyday tasks that seem so simple now that I know will become more complicated. But at the very same time, in the very same thought, I think about how before Henry I felt that way, and how now it's just second nature. New becomes familiar, and soon it's hard to ever imagine anything different.

But above all, there's a sense of adventure that is superseding all of it- all of the sentimentality, the nervousness. Past the silly nerves or the apprehension at the unknown there's the simple joy in the fact that so soon, one will become two. My sons. And yes, it's scary as hell to feel like we're jumping head first from comfortable and pretty easy into a whole new world of possible chaos, but it's more exciting. Much more. More of everything really.

And so now we have three weeks left, just the three of us. Soon our fourth will join us, and soon I'll be right here in this space, writing about how I never could have imagined the world without him here. Because that's how life works. You think you have it all figured out, and then in an instant, everything changes. In my case, our son will be arriving and our family is about to grow bigger; one, two, three, four. This page in our book is turning, and all of it- the excitement, the nervousness, the fear, the joys- it's all such a beautiful, beautiful thing.

Baby Essentials V.1

I've been getting together everything we'll need for Charlie's arrival, and I thought it would be a good idea to post an updated list of "baby essentials." After Henry, I realized that I needed a LOT less than I ever thought. If you want to really know, all you need is a food source, a warm place to sleep, clean diapers, and you're good to go. Really! No need for fancy anything, but there are of course some awesome "extras" that made those first few weeks and months a little easier. And for us, these are them:

1. Summer Infant Rest-Assured Sleeper: I love the idea of co-sleeping, and I know that it's perfectly safe to do, but I just worry way too much (and Hank is way too hard of a sleeper) to be able to actually get any sleep with a newborn right in the bed. So this co-sleeper was the best thing for us! It goes right in your bed- Hank and I kept it between us with Henry- and makes breastfeeding a breeze since your baby is right there. The co-sleeper is reinforced with steel so there's no worries about rolling over onto it, and its mesh sides allow for air circulation. When Henry was first born we tried a pack 'n play in our bedroom but because of my c-section recovery it wasn't feasible to be getting out of bed so often to feed him. Then we tried him in our bed, but like I mentioned above, I was way too nervous. Finally I came across this wonderful co-sleeper online and it was a great solution for us. Henry ended up sleeping in it until he was about 6 months old, when we transitioned him to his crib full-time. The move to his crib was super easy too, and I think this can be partially attributed to the fact that the co-sleeper is just like a mini-crib. I also love that it folds up and is fully portable, which came in handy as we travel often. I'm looking forward to using this right away with Charlie this time around too.

2. Snuza: If you're going to get one "expensive" baby item (normally $160 but on sale via Amazon for $104 right now), let it be this. I try to tell every Mom I know about the Snuza, because we absolutely loved ours. The Snuza is a portable baby breathing monitor that clips onto your little one's diaper. If your baby stops breathing (in the case of SIDS), it vibrates to try and "remind" the baby to breath. If breath is still not detected in 20 more seconds, an alarm goes off.  I really love Snuza because unlike the AngelCare monitors, it can be worn at anytime, which is convenient for long car rides, naps, sleeping in your bed, etc. Plus, with the in-crib movement monitors, once the baby can roll off of the sensor pad it's useless. The Snuza can be used all the way past the baby's first birthday, when the risk of SIDS greatly decreases. I can't stress enough how wonderful it was to have this peace of mind!

3. BreastFriend Nursing Pillow: Because I had a c-section, I needed a nursing pillow that wouldn't rub or irritate my incision post-surgery. Although I had and loved my Boppy, I didn't use it until a month or so postpartum, and even then I still preferred the Breast Friend. The difference is that the BF snaps around your body, and provides more a flat (yet soft) place for baby to lay while feeding, and for a first-time breastfeeder, it was nice to have the baby positioned properly from the get-go. I also found it to be incredibly comfortable for both Henry and me, and this is the pillow I'll be bringing to the hospital with Charlie.

4. Fisher Price Lamb Seat: I'm sure there are a million other seats just like this one, but since this is the one we got, this is the one we ended up loving (the matching swing on the other hand- totally disliked it!). Henry absolutely loved sitting in this chair, and we used it from day one at home when I needed to set him down. He would nap in the chair, hang out in the chair, and I'd put it up on our big counter (securely of course) when I had to cook so he could be right there with me. This was definitely a must-have for us.

5. Prefold cloth diapers: Fancy-schmancy burp cloths (yes, they exist!) never really had a place in our house, and the very best thing we found were these cloth diapers. Throw one over your shoulder, wipe up spit-up, line the changing table, whatever...these are multi-purpose, cheap and hold up like nothing else. I kept a huge pile next to the changing table, and we will using the same pile this time around for Baby C.

6. Wrap/snap shirts: In those first days, I found it to be the easiest to have Henry in a wrap shirt and diaper. You change diapers so frequently that I hated having to snap and resnap onesies a million times, and these shirts allowed diapers to be easy on, easy off. These shirts are also great because they're warm, go on and come off easily, and allow the belly button/umbilical stump to breath as it heals. The shirts also have built-in mitts at the end of the sleeves, but we never used them.

7. Playmat/Activity Gym: I don't think you need many toys in the infant stages, but a good playmat is always a plus. A soft blanket works too, but Henry really enjoyed looking up at the different toys hanging down, the mirror, etc., and when it was time for tummy time it was nice to have all of the distractions right there.

8. California Baby Extra-Sensitive Products: although Henry was never (and still isn't) super sensitive to products, from the beginning I wanted to be extra careful, so we used California Baby Products. As he got bigger we continued to use them, and I've always been impressed. Safe and gentle for baby, and the smell! So wonderful.

Do you have anything you'd add to this list? Feel free to share in the comments below!

Disclaimer: this post is NOT sponsored in any way - I didn't receive any of these items for free and was not paid to speak about them. I just wanted to be sure you guys knew that! I did though, use affiliate links, so to visit Amazon without my link, please click here. xoxo

July Sprinkles Bring August Babies...

This past Saturday my dear friend Veronica hosted a "baby sprinkle" for Charlie and me, which is just like a baby shower, but smaller; a sprinkle rather than a full on rain shower. hah. I loved the idea because I really believe every baby should be celebrated, but I did feel tacky having a second shower for the same sex, like I did with Henry. This was a nice way to get my closest friends and family together, and even though I wasn't expecting any gifts at all, they all brought something small for the little guy. So sweet. We did brunch- Veronica's mother-in-law and my friend Marilyn made the most delicious frittatas, and Veronica also served fruit salad, donuts from our beloved local donut shop, and a green salad with chocolate olive oil dressing. So good. And as a really wonderful surprise, Veronica ordered a triple-layer cake from my favorite baker, and then handed out bags of saltwater taffy for favors. I'm telling you, she needs to go into party-planning- it's a talent! I'm so grateful to have such a kind, generous friend like her and Saturday was such a testament to what a great friend she is. My sister also helped to plan it, and I'm so thankful for her sweet heart.

The brunch was at 11am, so we all got to spend a few hours talking and just being together. After the week I had it was pretty amazing to look around and feel so loved, and be surrounded by so many friends. It was a good reminder that even when things might not be so great, life goes on, and that there's always something good right around the corner. In my case, I have a sweet boy by the name of Charlie waiting for me. I was too busy spending time with everyone to take too many photos, but here are a few to check out. Happy sprinkle, little guy!

3 Things that made me smile this weekend...

1. Orange is the New Black

Upon a friend's recommendation we started Orange is the New Black, a new Netflix series, and I'm so glad we did. It's getting a ton of buzz around the internet, and for good reason- it's fabulous. It's also Patton Oswalt approved, so that should tell you something. In a nutshell it's about a woman being sent to prison for a crime she committed years back when she lived a totally different life. It's fascinating, funny, and incredibly addicting. I've been binge-watching it every chance I get, and I highly, highly recommend it. And on a related note, if you're into reading the book first, be sure to check out the memoir! I just ordered it myself.

2. My "Baby Sprinkle"

This past week I had a mini version of a baby shower (just a sprinkle) and it was the perfect end to a sad couple of weeks. Being around my closest friends and family was medicine for my soul and I left Veronica's house that afternoon feeling so happy, and so, so grateful. I'll have a whole post dedicated to it later this week but it was definitely the high point of my weekend, and I'm still smiling.

3. This baby

I am so in love with my niece Lucy. She is seriously THE happiest baby I have ever met in my life- so smiley and so sweet- and she never fails to brighten up any room she's in. I really believe she is going to be one of those very special people who has a gift for making others happy, and I feel very lucky that I get to be her Aunt. This weekend she came up for a visit and it was so fun holding her and making her smile that big, gummy smile. I mean seriously. Look at that face! I love her.

I hope you had a wonderful weekend too- what made you smile?

xoxo

Blinkbuggy

So today I wanted to take a minute and fill you guys in on a site I've used for the past month or so...Blinkbuggy. In a nutshell, Blinkbuggy is a documenting tool that takes the spirit of a traditional baby book and combines it with the power of the internet. I've been using it to jot down all of the funny little quotes Henry says everyday, photos, stories; it's kind of become a virtual scrapbook of sorts. It's simple to use, has a super clean interface, and overall is a great user experience.

Blinkbuggy was created by Emma Weisberg, who works at Google by day and developed Blinkbuggy in her spare time. She's a Mom herself, so she created something that SHE could use, and would want to use, to capture and document all of the moments with her own family. I had the chance to talk to Emma last week, and thoroughly enjoyed our chat. She's an inspiring lady, and I loved her take on the hows and whys of Blinkbuggy. Here's a bit from our convo:

Me: Can you give us a little background on how you came up with BB and also, a little bit of the why?

Emma: From the moment my daughter was born, I knew I wanted to be able to capture and share memories of the little everyday things that happened and most importantly, I wanted to be able to express MY feelings about these moments and milestones. I wanted to be sure that when she got older, she would be able to look back at these times, enjoy them as we did and know how much I loved her... So I started a gmail account in her name and sent the address around to family and close friends telling them I would be writing to my daughter there throughout her life and asking that they also write to her and share their experiences of her or send her pictures so she could also see and read memories from other people when she grew up. I quickly realized that I wanted something more, something that allowed me to really capture ALL of the different memories that were happening on a daily basis, something that told the full “story” of her life and those in it. I searched around but couldn't find a perfect (or even anything better than the gmail account) and neither could any of my other mom friends. When I would mention this gmail idea to other new moms, every response, without fail, was "Oh my god, that's the best idea I've ever heard. Do you mind if I do it?" After enough time using the gmail account and enough responses like that from other new moms, I decided to just build the product we'd all love to have! 

 

Awesome, right? I genuinely love and enjoy using Blinkbuggy, and I know you guys will too. Plus, they're just about to release their mobile app, and soon you'll be able to integrate video (love this!) and print right from the site too. So that way any non-technologically inclined relatives can enjoy your documentation too, and you can have a hard copy of it all for safe-keeping.

Let me just tell you a few things I love about the site:

1. It's set to private when you sign up, so preserving any and all photos of your little ones is always safe. You can also make certain memories public, like I did here. Additionally, you have the option to invite people to view your account on an email invite basis, which is perfect for those of you who like to keep it just to family and friends.

2. You can link any of your social media accounts, including Instagram, and it will instantly import your photos for you. I love having a backup for IG.

3. You can download your entire Blinkbuggy to a zip file, and like I mentioned above, you'll soon be able to print it all out right from the site.

4. They've included some awesome organizational tools including tags- perfect for large families or those people who love being able to search back through memories.

5.  There's a great variety of sharing options- a note, a quote, or a photo. And soon, video! It's also so neat that others can add to your memories. So let's say I was to post a fun little blurb about say, Memorial Day, my Mom could add some of her favorite parts too.

So head over here, take the tour, sign up (it's FREE), and let me know how much you love it. Seriously, add a few memories and give it a whirl. I know you'll be hooked too.

*this post was sponsored by Blinkbuggy but as always, all opinions are mine.

I appreciate you guys supporting the occasional sponsored content I share here. xoxo

Lots of words.

Yesterday was a weird, hard day full of three funerals including our sweet Andrew's. I go back and forth between feeling angry (at who? or what?) to just feeling kind of numb. My Grandma's funeral was this morning, and although it was horribly sad, I feel much more peace with her passing. She was 93 and ready. She didn't suffer a long, drawn out illness or end her life after weeks or even months of pain. She was in hospice for two days and passed away surrounded by family, holding her hands. But Andrew? He was taken. And I have all of these emotions swirling inside of my head and heart, mad at the world because it's just not fair, so so sad for Juliann and their kids. But there is no one to blame, no one to channel these feelings towards. And I think that this is part of some sort of grief cycle I'm going through. I think about when we lost Kendall, who was truly a little brother to me, someone we spent so much of our time with, a every-single-day part of our life. And when he died six years ago it was easy for me to be angry, and easy for me to be angry at the people who irresponsibly had a hand in all of it. I'm not saying it was right, but that anger was a huge part of my grief process and in this...there's just sadness.

Andrew's funeral was heartbreaking. All of our friends sat in a huge group, and it dawned on me that this happens far too often. This is the second dear, dear friend we've had to bury, and two of many young people we've been close to that have passed away from this circle of friends. I'm not sure if it's because we live in a small town that these losses seem more profound and connected, or if maybe it's that all of our friends are risk-takers and adventurers, but it just seems like it's way too much tragedy under strange circumstances. The service itself was so nice though, as nice as a service could be- so, so many firefighters and Hot Shot crews there to pay their respects, and all of Andrew's friends and family filled the entire floor seating area of our local arena. Lots of love. The other funerals we attended were the same, full of love and respect for the men who lost their lives. I found so much inspiration and like many funerals do, all of them left me with a huge reminder to really live my life to the fullest and to the very best of my ability; to "be good," in my own way.

I've had a heavy heart lately, but surprisingly I found some comfort in the last place I thought I would find it- at my Grandma's Catholic mass this morning. I was raised Catholic so that setting is very familiar to me, but it wasn't even that which made me feel at ease. It was when the priest stepped down and came to stand in front of the rows full of my family in the middle of my Nanny's service, and talked about her, and what kind of woman she is. It was weird- I had gone into the whole morning thinking that I would of course be thankful for one last chance to say goodbye, but I was not expecting to be moved by a Catholic priest's words. But I was. He didn't speak about religion much as he addressed all of us, and instead talked about my Grandma's life, and how these moments now, are for us. That what you believe in the afterlife is your reality, and because my Grandma believed that she would be greeted at heaven's gates by her late husband and God, that that's where she was. And I loved that. It made me happy to feel like even though I don't believe in that, she did, and she died with such a feeling of peace and joy with that as her reality. Our reality is what we believe.

Lots of sad talk on the blog lately, and if you've been sticking around to read it all, thank you. I promise things will turn around soon and happy days (and posts) aren't far away.

Weekend Links

Flashback Friday: this photo was taken almost exactly one year ago. So in love with this sweet boy.

Let's all have a happy weekend, deal? Here are some links to get it going.

An interview with Lena Dunham.

Hands down THE BEST caramels, candy, whatever, I've had in my life. 

Skin-to-skin minutes after a c-section- speaking up and making it happen.

Just starting this book- have any of you read it?

How cute! A comic book-themed baby shower.

Absolutely cannot WAIT to see this!

If you have a kiddo in your life, they need one of these.

What Would Tami Taylor Do?

Sister style! So cute.

I love EVERYTHING on this site. Amy is a genius.

A funny tweet from one of my favorite twitter accounts.

Interesting concept: "You May Touch a Stranger."

Adore N'tima, love her maternity photos.

Have you seen this Dustin Hoffman clip yet?

Etsy love: these mint green Dahlia earrings, this cute kitchen print, and these comfy-looking blankets.

Let's talk about all of these pretty prints.

Cannot wait to wear Charlie all over the place in this.

One of my favorite places in the world.

"Adult friendships freak me out." Can you relate?

Lasagna Grilled Cheese. Yum!

If you're curious about the little town we live in, read this.

"My alone feels so good, I'll only..."

Why have one career when you can have two? Or three? Or four?

Another movie I can't wait to see.

Success after 30! It can be done people! ;)

Have you checked out this online sale yet? Half of all proceeds will go to my friend's charity.

"The only thing I have any interest in enabling is for women to stop hating themselves."

Are you following Sometimes Sweet on Bloglovin' yet? I'm using it as my new reading platform and really liking it.

So if you've reached the end of this list and still want more, head over to Kaelah's blog and discover a million more neat links. Enjoy!

But before you go, say hello to Lauren, Jessica, and Mareen!

Have a great weekend. xoxo

Phases, Stages.

Happy Tuesday, everyone. You know what I was just thinking about? Tattoo Tuesdays! Were any of you fans of that feature? I have no plans to bring it back- it definitely ran its course- but I was thinking about it, and blogging, and all of the different stages and phases blogs go through, because when you write a personal blog, everything grows right along with you.

When I started blogging I had just made the switch from Livejournal, and I still kept a similar voice, although it wasn't as raw as what I wrote in my LJ. My Livejournal was a place I shared everything- I sometimes wrote 3 or 4 entries a day- but blogging felt a little different. I didn't have any (or many) readers when I started Sometimes Sweet so I would just go on and on, with no thought that anyone else may be reading. It's so interesting for me to look back at my archives. I half cringe and half marvel at my own silly naivety, but like I've said many times before, it's a beautiful thing to be young and not to know what's just around the corner...or what the hell you're even doing. Time went on and more people found themselves here reading my words, and I think I went through what a lot of bloggers do as I learned what I did and didn't want to share in this space. I figured out where I wanted to go with this blog and stumbled over lots of dos and don'ts, like and dislikes, all trial and error, and if you're growing and changing, I don't think that ever stops.

It's really a crazy thing to be able to look back at the past fourteen years of my life, cataloged and documented in one place or another. It's a weird little gift, wrapped up in an online package. We all change so much over the course of ONE year, that being able to just choose any day over the past FOURTEEN and see what I was doing, thinking, hoping, is wild. And it reminds me to focus on the real stuff, my days, photos of my family and things that are important to me, because in 13 more years it would be a real shame to look back and see so many years of a great story that kind of fizzles off into a haze of filler posts.

So this is a reminder for me, and maybe you, to keep it real. Keep writing and sharing and trying to capture all of the little bits you might someday forget, and to keep building a place you'll someday come back to and laugh and smile and think how wild it is, to have it all right here.

Sunshine.

So I was hoping that today you guys could tell me something good in the comments. Share some happy news, something really beautiful going on in your life, maybe a wonderful story or an awesome little moment from your weekend.

Would you mind?

xoxo

Another goodbye.

It's hard when someone passes away, when there are so many memories, so many layers of emotions and parts of your life that come bobbing to the surface. It's been a weird, sad week in my world. First, we lost our dear friend, amongst other friends and friends of friends, and then my Grandma passed away on Friday.

Like with Andrew, I've tried and tried to put my words down and get it right, but I'm having a hard time processing all of this death in my life right now. It's so strange to be growing a new life inside of my body while watching my Grandma's life end. I was there the day before Nanny passed, and got to say goodbye. She was a shell of her former self there, sitting in that chair, unresponsive, unmoving- she looked nothing like the vivacious women I grew up with. It was upsetting.

I think at times like this it would be easier for me to believe in some sort of religion, to feel like I will see my friends or family again. To be able to pray to someone, something, anything so this could all make more sense. But I don't believe in that. What I do believe in though is the beauty of this life, now. And I believe that their spirits, souls, energy, whatever you will, it's all put back into this world, and it's part of everything I do. I can feel my Grandma around me, in the air, in the dark, in the dirt under my feet, in the dust floating in that early morning streak of sun coming through our living room window. She is everywhere.

I think about the matching dresses she would sew for my sister and me, for every holiday. I think about the cheese sandwiches on the porcelain plates, the orange-yellow couches, Mr. Wizard on the television. I remember her towel drying my sister and my hair after baths, catching frogs in the green grass, and the jelly donuts weekend mornings from the bakery down the street. She's a part of most Sunday dinners we've ever had. She's a crocheted blanket and a cup of tea, she's a cashmere sweater set and a big diamond ring. She's a New York accent and an apple pie.

I remember her always comforting me when I was little, when I felt like my "mean old parents" just didn't get me. I remember all of her stories, telling me about being born in 1920, the changes she has seen over her lifetime. I remember her and my Grandpa, the way they were, the "Helen!" and the Irish music and the bickering I always tried not to giggle over. And I'll always remember that Nanny, one of the most conservative, set-in-her-ways women I know, never once made a comment about my tattoos, which still kind of surprises me when I think about it.

Saying goodbye is hard, but I feel so grateful that I was able to do so, and I feel lucky that I've spent our time together in such a way that even though I don't believe in any promise of seeing her again, the lifetime we did have can fill my heart up for the remainder of my days.

Nanny, I love you. You will be missed.

Sad.

from the candlelight vigil tonight, taken by my friend Lauren

What do you even say in the worst of times? I'm sure many of you have read about the tragedy that took place in our tiny town this weekend. We lost 19 of our Hot Shot firefighters in a wildfire that overtook another small town nearby. And when you live in such a small place, everyone is connected and affected by a loss like this. We all lost neighbors and friends, husbands, sons and brothers.

It's hard to even know how to put something like this into words. I think about our sweet Andrew, a husband, a father of four, and it's difficult to make sense of a situation like this. He was one of Hank's best friends, our roommate before we got married, and one of my most favorite people in the entire world. Hank grew up with him, and later he was Hank's band's roadie, touring all across the country in that old van, all of the guys together. They were brothers. And to try and wrap my head around the fact that he is just gone, that I'll never hear him yelling "DIIIINOOO!" from across the room, that contagious smile lighting up every corner of every place he's in, is impossible and painful and so very numbing.

I hesitated to share anything about this here, because everything I type just sounds wrong. I've tried and I've tried but no matter how many times I type and delete, type and delete, I just can't seem to get the words right- find the right thing to say to express how I'm feeling, because in reality the loss of Andrew to us is nothing compared to the loss that his wife and family is feeling right now. My heart is so heavy thinking of their grief.

All 19 men gave their life protecting others', and they will forever be remembered as heroes. Our town was lucky to have these men as our own, and they will never be forgotten.

Hug your loved ones a little tighter tonight, and please send all of your thoughts of strength and peace to the families of these brave men.